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Alice Kaltman: The Missing: WHAT a title. Can you talk to me about the multiple meanings of that term and how you play with them in this astonishing book? I see it here at every turn; mothers missing, children missing, missed connections, emotional voids/missing feelings, missed opportunities.
Ben Tanzer: Let me start by thanking you for reading the book and for tackling this interview. In terms of all the missing, the overarching thread is we meet a couple and immediately know their child is missing…and missing by choice, she left with an older boyfriend and doesn’t want to be found or contacted. One thing the parents/protagonist’s struggle with is what they missed – how did they fail to better understand their daughter, her life and relationship to them and this guy they don’t think much of, her friends, their own parenting, and themselves. What are they missing? As you point out, we learn both parents have had people, parents, missing from their lives, and the resulting sense of disequilibrium and how these things reverberate forward across time, shadows and at times overshadows their lives. These childhood absences further leave them lacking – or missing, key elements necessary for being the healthy adults they might have been – trust, feeling safe, communication skills. At times during their marriage the protagonists have also been missing for one another, and one question among many they – and the reader will face, is can they be there for one another even as they lack the healthy coping skills one needs to manage their confusion, grief, and fear – they certainly possess all the unhealthy ones.